Gentlemen prefer blondes

Sometimes, I see myself as Marilyn Monroe.

She missed the love of her parents when she was young, then she became an actress. All she wanted was the love of everyone. She had a lot of lovers because she was searching for the love of every guy. It's probably a bit freudian, but that's the only thing I can believe from him.

I was rejected by my father, yeah it's sad n stuff... Let's not talk about it. But I feel like, if today i'm acting the way I do, if I did all those stupid things, it's because I'm only searching the love from everyone. So yeah, maybe it's my fault that when I'm comfy with a boy without searching anything else than friendship he falls for me. Maybe it's the way I act, maybe it's not. I'll never know. I just feel today like I have something to do with that. I just repeat the same stories over and over... Thing is... When a boy that could be good to me likes me, I just run away like a little girl in front of a giant spider. What's probably the worse in that it's that I'm also searching the love from guys I can't have. That's absolutely not good, not fair,... But even when I don't think I do that, it happens. Most of time, it's when I don't think that I'm doing anything wrong. You know, I don't try to be like that, it just happens... Everytime. And I lose friends, I lose people that i love to be with just because I run away, or just because I can't give them what they want from me..... Even when I try to change that, it happens again, I can't fight who I am... Maybe that's the most sad thing in all this story...